As Isaac walked through the rain he nervously reached for Brittany’s hand, just before he realized she wasn’t standing there. In a panic, he turned round and round, surveying the vast expanse of land around him. And then he remembered she wasn’t there anymore. Not there with him, not there period. Brittany had been the one to leave, at least that is what Isaac kept telling himself. Really, he didn’t give her much excuse to stay. He had taken her heart and shattered it in a million pieces, then expected her to just pick up where they had left off, as if nothing had happened.
But then he became angry. Angry at her for not loving him blindly, angry at her friends for convincing her she could do better, but most of all angry at himself for not trying harder. Angry at himself for hurting her in the way that he did. He could have hurt her in a million other ways and she would have been there, but he chose the one that would scar her, and him, for life. Isaac knew when he cheated on Brittany that it would be the end. The end of everything he loved so dearly…
But he couldn’t possibly foresee how she would take it, couldn’t imagine it ending as badly as it did. If he had known how badly it was going to end, he never would have told her, maybe never even cheated on her. But then Isaac thinks back to her, to how she felt in his arms, and he wonders where she is now, what she is doing, if maybe, just maybe, she is thinking of him. As his mind races, Isaac can’t decide where to go or what to do. All he knows is he wants to feel like that again, like nothing he said or did mattered, as though time would erase all the pain he had caused.
He thinks back to that night, to the night that ended it all. Its as if it happened yesterday, but he knows better. His therapist keeps reminding him he just has to let go, but he won’t. Its not that he can’t, he just doesn’t want to.
